How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think.—Many

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man, living in the sky who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever till the end of time... But he "loves you".—George Carlin

You ever notice on the TV-news every time some guy with a machine-gun strolls on to a school yard and kills three or four kids and a couple of teachers, the next day... the next day the school in overrun with counsellors, and psychiatrics, and grief counsellors, and trauma therapists trying to help the child cope. When I was in school, someone came to our school and killed three or four of us; we went right on with our arithmetic: "35 classmates minus 4... equals 31". We were tough. —George Carlin

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.—Matthew Groening

"THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO TAKE AWAY OUR RIGHT TO [insert verb]!"—Conspiracy Theorists

I don't blame guns for violence. It's like blaming my car if I get in an accident, it's like "Yeah my stupid car man, yeah all the sudden my car just hit this guy"—Steeve Greene

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."—George W. Bush