The Onion:

Yesterday, a group of high-ranking world leaders met in Geneva and brokered a six-month deal to limit the nuclear ambitions of the Islamic Republic of Iran. These spineless Western autocrats did so in exchange for the removal of several economic sanctions on Iran, believing they have both the power and authority to dismantle the country’s nuclear program and enforce strict IAEA regulations on uranium enrichment.

Given this incredibly unjust though unsurprising meddling from these cowardly foreign governments, The Onion vows to continue the expansion of Iran’s nuclear weapons program for as long as necessary until the operation has been completed. The dream must live on and will live on. And The Onion will make sure it does.

Perhaps these so-called international superpowers thought The Onion would simply forget the promise we made to the great and wise Ayatollah Khomeini on that snowy December night in 1983. Perhaps they thought The Onionwould lie down and do nothing as one of its greatest allies is targeted with disgraceful, unwarranted regulations and blatant subversion from foreign enemies. If that is truly what these tyrannical diplomats assumed, they will soon realize they were gravely, gravely mistaken.

Rest assured, The Onion keeps its promises.

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