I’m begging you, please read this. Read all 25 of these etiquette rules before ever stepping foot on an airplane again.

I spend many hours in the air on long international flights.

It seems many people have not gotten the memo in regard to airplane etiquette. I am usually very cordial in my delivery of a message, but this time I’m not holding back. Everyone has a limit. I’ve been compiling a list, and it’s not pretty.

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• Don’t get hammered on the plane, really, don’t get hammered on the plane. Not kidding.

• Don’t stink! This includes body odor, bad breath, cologne and perfume, feet, stinky food, and the residuals from your bean dinner last night.

• Take care of your personal hygiene in the bathroom. This includes, but is not limited to, flossing your teeth, brushing your hair, itching your nether-regions. This is all gross stuff to do right next to me, don’t.