One of the social puzzles in my mind is the fact that the majority of Iranian men do not know or do not believe that traditional Iranian women, especially as wives, have an absolute contempt for them, considering them unworthy of any respect. These traditional Iranian women (at least mostly of middle-class persuasion, religious or atheist) consider men stupid and believe that the only appropriate way to treat them is to make a donkey out of them (Khar kardan.) Traditional Iranian women are Masters of Deception. (One of them emailed me a few years ago, telling me not to engage in discussions with the Iranian men, because I “could not win over them," suggesting that I do like her: she was having sex with eight different Iranian men in the same American city, and none of them knew about the others. Yikes!!!) One thing that I need to clarify is that I am aware of the existence of other types of women who are neither traditional nor feminist; I am speaking here only of two opposite poles.
I, as a heterosexual feminist, like most feminists, heterosexual or not, have a lot of respect for Iranian men, that is, as much as I respect Iranian women. Unlike some psychologically undeveloped Iranians who consider the reason for my feminism to be "bad experiences with Iranian men," my relationships with Iranian men have often been very positive and exciting, even with those who could not figure me out. I have never ever thought, and will never think, that Iranian men are idiots whom we should make "khar." I find this attitude most offensive as well as degrading to both men *and* women. Some men (in my return to Iran during 1990's) have even criticized me for "being gaga over men," concluding that I was not a genuine feminist because, in their mind, a feminist had to dislike men or at least not to be fond of them! My negative relationships have actually been mostly with women, starting with my misogynist mother. I had a very positive rapport with my half-religious/half-modern father who was an engineer-civil servant type, well-travelled, fair-minded and future oriented. I became a feminist at the age of six, because of my independent disposition. I am a Leo with Sagittarius Ascendant, after all. LOL!
I have a theory about the reason why Iranian men in general are unafraid of the traditional Iranian women, deeply preferring them (as wives) to feminists, unaware of the despicable attitudes and beliefs of these women towards them. My theory also explains why these men are resentful towards feminists who have enough respect for them to challenge them against some of their backward beliefs, while being genuinely optimistic about the possibility of change in the typical Iranian men's mentality towards women in general.
However, I do not intend to reveal my theory or position about this issue here in this blog. My purpose for writing this blog is to find out what *you Iranian men* who read this write-up think about this question. I'd like to invite you to tell me the reason for such a devastating "mistake" made by most amongst you. Please express your opinions as candidly as you can. If you are a woman, please mention it in your comment. Thank you for reading and replying.
I shall express my theory / opinion in a few days.
***
Nota Bene. While I was writing this blog, I received the above photo from a friend in Paris. I decided to publish it because I could not think of any appropriate image to go with the blog. Anyway, the photo has obviously nothing to do with the blog, except that it is that of an Iranian man, my maternal uncle, Parviz Kimiavi, the filmmaker. Here is a poem I wrote about him and us children growing up in his shadow! That too is unrelated to the blog, but once I placed the photo, I thought ... well, why not add a link to the poem :-)).
http://iranian.com/main/2010/feb/uncle-parviz.html
Parviz is the 17 year-old guy on the right, and I am the girl with her hand on her hip :-).
Almost 40 views, 6 likes, 4 dislikes, and no comment. Iranians are such creative thinkers. LOL!
Anyway, it seems that no Iranian man had an opinion about this important issue - or maybe nobody comes to this site :-).
So, gentlemen: please don't complain about your wives who run your lives and don't let you breath or be who you are. If that is the case and you have not left a comment, you are enjoying your subordination :-)).
And why you four unintelligent people did not like my blog? Were you afraid of voicing your opinions? Are you afraid of your wives or your mothers? LOL!
And you guys think that the 'Iranian elections' is the most important issue of the day; right? No wonder our nation is in such a Hell Hole! :-(
I will post this blog again in September or October; just in case you are on vacation now!
Have a wonderful summer, everyone!
Azadeh
xo
Azadeh khanoom (is that OK to call you that?),
I love my beautiful Persian wife and would mary her again and again, never been unfaithful and cherish her with all my heart. She does not run my life and I don't run hers, we are friends and share everything, laughter and sorrow included!
Our bitterness, fears, hatered, etc. always stem from personal experiences. I find it hard to believe that you turned feminist at the age pf 6, but......something caused it, of course......later??. I agree with the notion that most eastern cultures have an attitude problem (perpetrated by men and aided by religion) when it comes to women, but to paint everyone with the same broad brush is a disservice to those of us who do not fit your stereotype.
I did not like or dislike your blog, but the intelligent woman in you should be able to deal with a few "dislikes" instead of lashing out like a ......six year old.....
LOL! Did I lash out like a six year-old, dear Ex_CoP? The truth is that I usually use similar occasions to attract readers' attention to a certain fact or idea. Please don't assume a "lashing out" when you cannot hear my tone of voice nor can see my body language. I was simply using strong words, as usual :-)).
Of course you can call me Azadeh Khanoom. You may even call me Azadeh :-)).
I am so happy to hear of the type of relationship you have with your beloved. I have met several similar Iranian couples, both outside and inside Iran. I always use the word "majority" when I speak of Iranian men. Our nation is composed of 75 million individuals. Most of them trational men and women who, unless blessed with kind disposition or humanistic ideas, follow the thousand year-old male-centered relationships.
You say "something caused" my feminism. It's like saying *something caused me to be highly intelligent.* It pathologizes both feminism and intelligence. :-( I did become a feminist at the age of six when I realized that my mother was more intelligent than my father, but it was my father who ruled the household. At that age, I decided that I did not like it. That was a feminist position. There is nothing unusual or unbelievable about it. Children are much more intelligent than what most adults think. Try to remember your own childhood. I am sure you had some very insightful moments (especially if you were introvert like yours truly.)
Please try not to use the word "stereotype" or the phrase "to paint everyone with the same broad brush" everytime a feminist opens her mouth and says the truth. That is unbecoming of a man who is in a beautiful relationship, yet knows too well that the MAJORITY of Iranian men are psychologically unable to establish a similar type of partnership with a woman. Denial does not help (and actually makes people question the veracity of your words above.) Creating a group called something like "Iranian Men Against Sexism" or "Iranian Men Against Misogyny" does help.
Have a wonderful day.
Azadeh