The Borowitz Report, The New Yorker: After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.
“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”
“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.
A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.
If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the
We the true Americans love our breakfast Bagels and & Biscuits - we don't care for Danishes & Croissants! With the massive influx of Syrian and Libyan refugees (thanks to Obama), Denmark doesn't have a pot to piss in so to speak when it comes to managing its internal affairs and now it utters to buy the US!? Keep dreaming Sar Dabir jaan! PS has the confiscated ship arrived at Bushehr port yet? Where is our resident naval dispatcher, the Toronto Bob to give us an update!?
They could not have made a better comment but I wish they had offered this sooner and before Putin made the offer and purchased the US Admin.
Our politicians had resisted pissing on the office of Presidency, tRump fixed that.
tRump is helping to make Russia great again
Reject occupation, If the bar code starts with 7 29 put it back on the shelf
Buy American, say NO to Chinese madeTrump
“The time is always right to do what is right” – Martin Luther King
Trump canceled his trip to Denmark after the Danish PM refused to sell Greenland.
Trump borrowed a line from the Godfather and made Denmark "an offer they couldn't refuse." To which Denmark responded with a big bilakh!
"We the true Americans"
I didn't know that you were a native American, which tribe do you belong to, a Sioux, Eskimo, Comanche or....
Good for you to learn Farsi, but please keep your opinion to yourself about Iran and Iranians. It is not becoming to the peaceful native Americans to be a warmonger
Our politicians had resisted pissing on the office of Presidency, tRump fixed that.
tRump is helping to make Russia great again
Reject occupation, If the bar code starts with 7 29 put it back on the shelf
Buy American, say NO to Chinese madeTrump
“The time is always right to do what is right” – Martin Luther King
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
- Samuel Jackson, April 7, 1775