Trump was sitting at his golden toilet at the White House watching Fox and Friends and tweeting nasty things about Biden and the Democrats. For weeks he had been pre-occupied about the prospect of facing Biden in the 2020 elections. All the polls showed a double-digit edge for Biden over Trump. He had started a telephone campaign to foreign leaders trying to dig some dirt on Biden. All of a sudden, a brilliant idea came to his head.

“What if I talk to Zarif and meet with Rouhani and plant some dirt on Obama and Biden that they publicly acknowledge?” Trump was so impressed by himself. “I’m a stable genius! I can lift all the sanctions, re-join the Nuclear Deal and will not attack them for shooting down our $150 million drone and not retaliate for the Aramco missile attack if they confirm my story about Biden and Obama. A beautiful quid pro quo!”

He called in Pence, Pompeo and Bolton to the Oval Office to discuss his plan. “Gentlemen, what if I get Zarif and Rouhani to come out and publicly admit while they are in New York, that of the $1.7 billion cash that the Regime got as the result of the Hague Iran-US Claims Tribunal decision and an incentive to free our 5 prisoners in Iran, Biden’s son Hunter got a $100 million kick back. The money was delivered to him in Geneva in 500 Euro and 1000 Swiss Francs notes which he later brought back to the US while flying on the Air Force 1?”

Pompeo liked it. “That will definitely work. I mean, who is going to believe a hostile regime like Iran is going to lie in support of us?” But Bolton looked disturbed. “Have you thought about how this will be seen in Saudi Arabia and Israel? What am I going to tell Maryam next time I’m in Albania?”

“Oh screw them. I gave BiBi the Golan Heights. He’s finished anyways. Bin Salman got lots of fighter jets and missiles and I saved his ass over Khashoggi murder. It’s a beautiful plan. Don’t you think Mike?” Pence just smiled and nodded his head. But Bolton still looked unhappy. “What will you offer them in return?” Trump quickly described his plan. As he was talking Bolton eyes got bigger and he turned red. “I will have my resignation on your desk first thing tomorrow morning.”

A couple of weeks later when Zarif was in New York, Trump got on the phone and made him the offer. “If you guys accept, I’ll invite you and Rouhani to the Trump Tower for an unbelievable dinner of fast foods and diet cokes, and when I get re-elected next year we can start talking about Trump Borj in the heart of Tehran, Trump Chelokababi Chain, and Trump Resort near Motel Ghoo. The sky is the limit Javad!”

Zarif quickly got on the phone and explained the plan in Semnani dialect to Rouhani, knowing well that his calls were being monitored by the FBI. Rouhani went to Khamenei for permission. Khamenei thought for a few minutes and said, “I think Elizabeth Warren is going be the Democratic candidate, so whatever this guy promises, she is going to reverse. We are going to get screwed again.”

Rouhani called Zarif and gave him the answer. “So what should I tell Trump?” Zarif asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. Just tell him that we are good Muslims and we are against lying or bribing people!”