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I’m a man who knows what he wants and goes after something more realistic.—Joel Bennett
"We at The Report are laser focused on the truth. And that means obsessive fact checking. We check every episode and if we find a fact, we replace it with the truth."—Stephen Colbert
The pessimist says: "We can't do any worse." ... But the optimist says: "Yes, we can!"—Shazde Nameh
Skeptics may or may not rule, OK?—Graffiti in a pub toilet
Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight. —Jason Love
Obscurity and competence—that is the life that is worth living.—Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.—Mark Twain
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.—Mae West
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.—Mark Twain

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